I would be lying if I said that every child I taught listened to me while a chorus of angels sang in the background. I have worked with some children who were bound and determined to “ Fight the Power.”  Yes, I am referencing a Nineties Hip Hop song. As a teacher, there were times when I heard the words, “ I hate you.” The reason was normally because I was doing my job and asking a child to complete their work, or to listen to a lesson.  My response to these negative words was, “ I am so sorry you feel that way, but I want you to know that I like you.” Yes, sometimes it was super hard to say that. Sometimes I was actually thinking, “ Okay you little hell child, if we are being honest, I don’t like you much either.” This statement would obviously be followed with my tongue sticking out. However, I am an adult and that would not be okay.  The strong willed child is going to be our future movers and shakers. While they can make a teacher worker harder, they can also leave us with interesting memories.

I Don’t Like It!

It is a typical day at the daycare centre.  The children have just finished washing their hands to prepare for  lunch and we are now assembled in the lunchroom. My knees are almost touching my chin as I sit at the tiny table with three lovely 3 years so I can help them with their lunch.  Lunches are prepared in a kitchen at the daycare by a thoughtful cook and most children willingly devour the food. Most children, but not Ramsay. He is very particular about his food.  If the texture is too soft he will let you know. If the colour is not right, he will let you know. If it smells too much, he will let you know. If it moved too much on the plate, he will let you know.  How will he let you know? He will shout repeatedly, “ I don’t like it, I don’t like it, I don’t like it!” with a loud, screeching voice. Today, the food is weiners and beans. Ramsay has looked at the food that has been delivered to the table and is getting ready to perform.  I have dished spoonfuls onto the other children’s plates and now I look at Ramsay. “ Let’s try a ‘no-thank you serving’, okay?” A ‘no-thank you serving’ is normally a tablespoonful, but I have just put a teaspoonful onto his plates. Ramsay looks at me lowers his head to the plate, smells it, pokes it with his finger, licks his finger and then shouts, “ I don’t like it, I don’t like it, I don’t like it!”  I want to close my eyes and ears, since everyone else is covering their ears with their hands. Ramsay is getting more upset, so I say, “ Use your inside voice.” Really? What was I thinking? Ramsay looks at me with defiance and then pushes his plate over to where I am sitting. I have learned from experience to avoid power struggles, so I look away from Ramsay and see if the other children need help. They have finished their food and are asking for another helping.  I willingly oblige and dish more food for them. I ask them some questions and they start talking about different things other than food. They finish their food and ask if they can be excused so they can go and play. Ramsay has decided that he would like to do the same. Hold on a second, I have to let you know that his parents have been very concerned about what Ramsay is eating because everytime they get him home from the daycare centre, he complains that he is hungry.  Mom has stated that she wants us to make sure that he eats his food. Today, I have pretty much had it with this routine. I mean this has been going on for almost a month. Can you imagine that every lunch for a month you hear a screeching child shouting I don’t like it? Oh yes, I guess some of you can. Anyway, I ask Ramsay if he would like to eat some bread,with butter and jam. I know that we have some in the kitchen, as I sometimes help the cook wash the dishes. Remember from my earlier post, I’m the untrained new hire for this work crew. Some staff are looking at me like I have committed a crime, while others appear to be on my side.  Ramsay is now looking at me with big eyes and a mischievous smile. He nods his head in agreement and seems happy that he doesn’t have to eat the weiners and beans. I make him a jam sandwich and hand it to him. He takes it and quickly chews it so that he can finish and go play. Before he leaves the table I say, “Ramsay, will you try to eat the cooks food tomorrow?” He gives me a look and then shakes his head to say no. I say, “Ramsay, when the food comes tomorrow, it will be different food, so you may like it.” Tomorrow came, Ramsay continued to cheer us on with his shouting hit parade song, “I don’t like it! The important point is that eventually, he learned to enjoy some of the food and he did not die from starvation.  Ramsay was a child who knew what he liked and he also knew what he didn’t like. He was not afraid to advocate for himself. Yes, I would have loved it if he could have said it with an inside voice, but then again, when you are 3 any form of advocating is great.

Pain in the _______

Very recently I met a former student I had taught in a special education class.  She was now in grade 12. Yes, it made me feel old. I know, I do not have a walker yet, and I hope I never do, but I did feel old. It was really sweet to have her come running up to me in the Dollarama parking lot.  Well, I am a teacher and I do need to buy supplies. She told me how she was doing in school, said that she missed me, and she asked to give me a hug. So I gave her the famous quick pat on the back hug. We talked for a while, then I reminded her of a time when she told me how she felt about her assigned work.  

This is what happened.  There were approximately 11 students ranging from grades 2- 5 in my special education class.  I tried to make sure that some of the work they were assigned was easy enough to complete independently.  As she was in grade two I gave her a printing sheet. Her fine motor skills were on the weak side, but I only wanted her to try 5 letters instead of a whole page.  She sat down to do her work while I was helping some other students. I could hear her huffing with annoyance and grunting that she wasn’t happy. She got up from her chair walked over to me, pointed at the work and said, “ Mrs. ———-Pain in the Ass!”  Another little girl, who was a real challenge to say the least, shouted, “ She should be sent to the office because she said a swear word.” I said, “ Yes she did didn’t she? However she called the work a pain in the blank, she didn’t call me that.” The two girls laughed about what I said, and  got back to completing their – Pain in the … At the end of the school day, I shared this story with her mother, she laughed and at the same time looked at me in shock. I told her mom that her daughter’s fighting spirit was going to help her in life. I also shared the fact that I appreciated her telling me how she truly felt about her work.  Let’s face it, most of the work we do is a pain in the ass.

Message for you- NO! I am not  the High and Mighty Wise One. I have  learned a lot from many mistakes and a few successes.  I wish I knew then, what I know now.

If you are living with a strong willed child, my word of advice to you is this. You will find a way to love and nurture your child. It may not be the way suggested to you by friends, family and blogs, and that’s okay.  YOU CAN DO IT!

If you are a teacher working with a strong willed child, take a breath, stand back every now and then to remove yourself from the situation. Sometimes when you are in the trenches, you can get bogged down with things that are not important.  YOU CAN DO IT!
I will share some good and bad ways of dealing with strong willed children in another blog.  I do not have all the answers, as every situation and every child need what is right for them. When a kid says, ” You can’t make me! ” They are correct.